Tuesday, February 28, 2006
If Only I Had An Address
Dear "Aggrieved Consumers:"

First, let me say that I understand your frustration with the capitalist society we are living in. It is a society which constantly feeds us crap yet tells us it is entertainment. It is a society where shows like American Idol, Wife Swap and Dancing With the Stars can become popular. I often express frustration with the lack of choice we have. However, I am a little concerned by your recent complaint to the FTC that alleges "the employees of RCA, Sony/BMG, and Aiken himself engaged in collusion to prevent public disclosures they believed might be harmful to their product." You go on to state, “This is tantamount to manufacturer concealing information about a defective product. Therefore these actions were both unfair and deceptive to consumers.”

It seems to me that you are arguing that you need to know Clay Aiken's "true" sexuality to enjoy his services (and by services, I mean television show produced music). You need to know that Aiken is in fact heterosexual and in fact singing to you lest you will die a sad and lonely death. You need to know that Aiken is not a "defective" homosexual before you can continue with your consumerism. I am, obviously, confused. It could be that I am reading too much into your words. Or perhaps you are being silly and trying to liven up a slow news day. Or perhaps you are ridiculous and completely blind to the real world.

Reagardless of your reasons, I also feel it my civic duty to let you know that Jessica Simpson's lips are not real. Pamela Anderson has fake breasts and there really were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. I hope you are able to continue watching television.

I apologize for any pain this may have caused you,

P.S. When you get a chance, could you please tell me WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT THE FTC to do about this? Thanks.


Anonymous Kourtney said...

Speaking of fake breasts...did you see Coral on MTV the other day? She has the BIGGEST chest now...I am not kidding at least tripple D...where did those come from?

Side bar.....What is Clay's sexuality ;)

Blogger kristen said...

Uh oh...someone's been using her prize money for impure things

Anonymous Kourt said...

That must be why she isn't on this challenge....her boobs are now too big to pull herself up, hoist her over walls, or do any other challenge.

Although~ if it was a challege to see who could float the longest...she would win hands down :)

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